i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
