Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
