It's like God shit irony all over that family
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
