I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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