laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
