she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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