and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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