Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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