Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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