why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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