a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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