My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
