dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
