it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
