I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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