dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize