i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
