I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
