The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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