Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
