you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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