your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
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I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
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steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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