I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
