What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
