Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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