Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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