At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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