I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
