we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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