I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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