Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
