Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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