You really coming over, don't trick.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
