mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I think my moral compass just broke
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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