I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
