Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
