He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
