There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
