please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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