***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
