:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
