they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
