So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
