just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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