I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
