The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
