I hate your face
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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