the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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