I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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