I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
