youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
