I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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