he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
