I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
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