I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
should my penis look like a turkey
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
