I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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