he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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