You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
