shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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